Hello wonderful people!
I am back at it! After a week of a baaaad cold, I am feeling more like myself and less blahrg.
It’s a new year, and new years get you thinking and reminiscing. Remembering old love interests, and friends. You wonder what so and so is up to, and before you know it…you are doing a little Facebook stalking. Social media makes it so easy to search someone and catch up on their whole life. Suddenly, you realize that you’re almost 30 and high school was 10 years ago! Where did time go? You start comparing people’s successes and milestones in life, to your own. Your self esteem starts taking a big hit and you start regretting logging into Facebook.
Welcome to the Quarter Life Crisis.
Your twenties are hard. I know, I’m there too. There is SO many expectations of where your life “should” be by the time you turn 30…and for me, 30 is only two years away. The thing about a quarter life crisis is, the obstacles are different for everyone. While you haven’t dated enough to be in a committed long term relationship, someone else is trying to decide if they even want children with their spouse. Everyone has their own issues that they are working through, and everyone has a different vision of what is expected of a 30 year old.
Hint: NO ONE has it figured out.
So stop putting so much pressure on yourself and stop comparing.
It’s the whole “grass is greener on the other side” syndrome that hits you hard. It’s just a weird phase. No longer feeling like your younger naive self (haha, remember when you thought you had all the answers), but also not feeling like you got your shit together enough to be an “adult”. You’re left feeling like you don’t even know yourself anymore.
It is also the reason I started this blog. (almost a year ago!). Now you find yourself wondering if running away to a different city, state, country, will fix everything.
So let’s talk through some of the main bullet points in the Quarter Life Crisis where we are ALL feeling the hurt.
Hearing about a friend’s first home purchase can feel like such a defeat. You start looking around your apartment with dissatisfaction. And if feels especially crushing if your living with your parents. You wouldn’t even know the first step to buy a whole house.
You see pictures of someone’s trip to another country, or the 5k they participated in, and you feel like a lame blob. You crave going somewhere exotic and experiencing a different culture. You start wondering how you gained a bit of weight that doesn’t seem to be going away. It starts feeling like you’ve done nothing of interest with your life. Are you boring?
People seems to be out on the town every weekend, while you are struggling to get by. You may not even have the “career” type job where there is advancement. Others move to different states/countries for an opportunity and some of us simply have jobs or are unemployed. Which makes you worry about money and student loans or other debt you’ve accumulated. Budgeting?! Seems impossible.
You keep telling yourself you are blessed to be single, yet also jealous over the “happy couple with 2 kids and a dog” situation some friends are in. They complain, but seem stupid happy in the chaos. Some of us haven’t even figured out if we want kids of our own. Others are moving in with a partner for the first time. Some are struggling dating, looking for a casual or long term relationship. AND marriage! It seems so far away and you feel like you are way behind when friends start getting hitched left and right.
You try to keep in touch, but friends move far, you loose things in common, you develop different interests or tastes, you start drifting towards different stages of your life. Before you know it, you struggle to have short conversations with people you used to be close to. Don’t even get me started on making friends as an adult (that’s a post for another time!!)
Politics are crazy, and the whole damn world seems like a mess…arrows are pointing you everywhere, and you want to show everyone that you care about the “right” things. That you have your priorities straightened out. But honestly you don’t know if you are walking down a comforting secure path or off a risky jagged cliff, because they both look the same right about now.
It doesn’t help when you have friends or family asking you what your going to do in life, or when you are going to make something happen. When are you getting a better place? When are you guys gonna get married? When are you going to buy a house? Are you planning on having kids soon? Your biological clock is ticking.
You don’t even know if that’s something you want.
Life is not a competition. You are not on a timeline.
Chances are good that alot of people in your age group are feeling the same things! How else do you think the term Quarter Life Crisis came about?
Words of Wisdom
*I do not have all the answers*
But I do have some advice I’ve realized that I want to share.
First you have to accept that some things are not feasible for you right now. And that’s okay. You don’t even know if you want your life to go in a certain direction. You may want it, but feel like you still need to get to know yourself a little more before you get there. Go discover yourself. Be active and DO things, because if you do nothing, you will get nowhere.
Be happy for others. It takes more negative energy to tear someone down than to have a positive outlook. Good for them. Move on. Work on you. Your goals, life, relationships, family, friends.
If your waiting around for a moment of clarity or an epiphany of some sort.
Life will NEVER feel like it’s “supposed” to. If you are waiting for the “perfect” moment to take a certain direction in your life, you will be waiting forever, because there is no “perfect” moment. There is no magic switch that will go off. In life there is no sign that will say “You have reached your destination”. YOU have to be the change that you want to see in your life.
First try to figure out what goals you want to achieve in your life, then make an overall plan on how you can get there. The more defined the plan is, the more clear smaller steps will become.
I know it can feel overwhelming, trust me, I know. But it’s not impossible.
Some people start small: I’ll save 25 bucks each week, which turns into 100 bucks a month, which turns into 1,200 a year, which turns into a savings fund for a couch/house/wedding/baby, whatever you may need it to be.
Some people start big: We want to buy a house together next year, let’s try and save 5,000 this year. Then you break it down, which is roughly 400 bucks a month. You save 200, I save 200 each month.
If you want something, go get it. Figure out what works for you!
Your younger self may seem like so long ago, and your adult self seems like the furthest destination from where you are, talk to friends. Ask for advice from older mentors. A struggle you are facing or questioning in your life may be something someone else has already gone through or something they are going through right now too. You are not lost and alone.
We are in it together.